Anytime one goes outside a committed relationship, there are many losses for all parties involved.
The one committing the act may not realize the severity of the destruction that is being brought upon the relationship for temporary gratification.
In many of these situations, the reasons are driven by various emotions including selfishness, immature, avoidance, unresolved past hurt, vindictive hurt, lack of communication, and unknown.
When it comes to being disloyal to ourselves, we often have to ask ourselves, “was the compromise worth it?”.
In many cases, we have betrayed ourselves repeatedly over longer periods of time than we have ever done to another.
In many cases, we will not have realized the self-betrayal until many years later.
One may experience various feelings or emotions throughout the course of a day. Every interaction will trigger a sensation. How we choose to respond to the passing sensations can impact our future in ways that we could never imagine.
With infidelity, there is always a great cost.
There are other factors that usually come into play that the participant may not have intended, such as a baby or considered such as the destruction of the family unit.
The domino effect of the violation is usually much more extensive and for a longer period of time. For many, the time of healing may never end. Many are so deeply affected when this occurs, they are unable to trust again. The trust is not limited to their choice in a mate but also in themselves to make a right choice in a potential partner.
It is important to consider those behaviors which we know will cause pain if they were done to us. Taking a minute to consider, “how would I feel if this was done to me?” may save a lot of pain in the future.
Whether you are the cause of the betrayal or on the receiving end, healing is required to grow from the experience.
As the perpetrator, you need to investigate “why”. As the receiver, you need to understand that this is not a reflection of your value or worth.
Although it will feel like personal assault, understand that the chosen behavior may have nothing to do with you in actuality. It may be about them and unresolved issues of their past.
As the unwilling participant, understand your healing is essential to reclaiming your life. The pain is great and can overwhelm your existence with anger, hurt, depression, rage, suicidal or homicidal tendencies, hopelessness, worthlessness, and sadness to name a few.
An unknown author stated it best: “Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.”
This will take time. Be patient with yourself and allow you the time needed. Your healing is not determined by any timeline other than your own. The most important piece of the puzzle is actively doing the work to heal, not reliving the hurt or pain repeatedly. Do not remain the victim.
As we live, we will encounter trials throughout our lifetime. At times we may feel like the world is coming down on us. At other times, we may be soaring above the clouds.
From the time of our birth, we learn to get over disappointments. As babies, our minds are not developed enough for us to remember the bad. We let go, move on to the next thing until we get what we desire. We have to redevelop this adaptation as adults.
Infidelity is a hard to pill to swallow. It is not the worst that we may encounter. Each day is a day to grow and be better than the previous day. We all will fall down from time to time. Getting back up and improving is living.
Another author stated, “Forget enough to get over it. Remember enough so that it doesn’t happen again.”
The ultimate goal is to heal.
Healing allows you to grow, love, be loved, trust, and be trusted. This time will be as a scar and eventually fades. It doesn’t make you any less beautiful.
Know your worth.
Know that you are worth fighting for.